Woody and Maggie: January 2015

Friday, January 30, 2015

Day 19: Art Therapy

Day 19: Art Therapy tomorrow. Woody has spent endless hours researching a variety of styles, mediums and subject matter to discover which techniques work for him. After much experimentation, he decided the excruciating detail employed by John James Audubon was too restricting, and is now exhibiting a strong Georgia O'Keeffe influence. Big paper, big brushes, big ideas...just wondering where we'll store those over sized canvases.

Day 18: Waiting by the Phone

Day 18: Good grief. Woody spent most of the day waiting for call backs from more celebrities. The call from Ellen really gave him a big head. He mentioned potential interest from Dr. Oz, Judge Judy, Dr. Phil and even Donald Trump for an appearance on Celebrity Apprentice. I think he needs a reality show, but I don't want to egg him on.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Day 17: Group Therapy

Day 17: The psychiatrist suggested we get a small group of other unfortunate attack victims together for a group therapy session. Turns out Maggie has a rather diverse collection of former friends who are willing to share their lows as well as their remarkable triumphs. They seem to have a positive outlook inspite of their disabilities. We're hoping Woody's attitude will improve after the discussion group meets.

Day 16: Phone Call from Ellen Degeneres

Day 16 : It's now been over 2 weeks since the accident. I have to share a wonderful, exciting event from yesterday afternoon. Woody received a surprise phone call from Ellen Degeneres!!! Ellen expressed regret for premiering the original video of Woody and Maggie on her show which developed into a totally unfortunate event for all involved. She invited Woody to appear on the show and is providing a check for $10,000 to cover the the Domestic Abuse legal expenses. Maggie and I are doomed.

Day 15: 3 Pinocchios

Day 15: Today, we visited the psychologist. Woody received 3 Pinocchios when he tried to answer the questions about his true mental state. Not a good sign...not to mention there are now possible transgender tendencies surfacing.

Day 14: Disassociative Identity Disorder

Day 14 : I believe Woody is exhibiting symptoms of Disassociative Identity Disorder. He has been experimenting with many alternative personalities in the last few days and seems to be overly obsessed with well known yet shallow cartoonish personalities. I hope he will come to terms with his true identity soon. Maggie, who is confused by Woody's antics, barks incessantly, thinking there are intruders in the house.

Day 13: Visiting The Parents

Day 13 : I took Woody to visit his parents today. We go every Sunday. It was the first visit since the accident. They live in a very nice Sanctuary just outside the city limits. As always, his father was very formal, cold and unaffectionate. It was quite obvious that Woody didn't want to ruffle any feathers. Woody's mother chirped about totally irrelevent events which monopolized the entire visit. Woody was relieved when it was time to leave. It was obvious he was still hung over from another night of flirting and partying at the bar. He's also been texting alot. I hope he's not contacting those chicks from the bar?

Day 12: Picking up Chicks

Day 12: Apparently Woody managed to call a cab late last night and hung out in a local bar for several hours. The attached photo was sent to me by an old neighbor who recognized him. Here he is obviously having cocktails while trying to pick up chicks. He didn't get home until the cock crowed, so it must have been a highly adventurous night for him. Am hoping he'll get his head on straight and be somewhat coherent by early afternoon.

Day 11:Transplant X-ray info

Day 11: Transplant issues: Many of you have asked about Woody's chance for a transplant. Doctors have determined that Woody's condition is very similar to Mike the Headless Chicken's well documented medical history. (Many thanks to Kim Newell for bringing Mike the Headless Chicken to my attention. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_the_Headless_Chicken)

I have spoken with specialists who recommend a prosthetic cranial reconstruction. Woody can now have a new lease on life with an identity that suits his current life style and attitude. Some exploration will be needed to find the correct fit. (See attached and most recent X-ray to better understand the severity of his condition.)

Day 10: Depression Sets In

Day 10: Today, all Woody has done is stare at his reflection in the mirror. I think his depression is worse, and the visit from Bernie didn't help. I promised him a run for suet and seed cakes, but he doesn't seem interested. ‪#‎Feeling‬helpless.

Day 9: Bernie Comes to Visit

Day 9: Woody had a surprise visit from his evil twin, Bernie, a Loan Shark who lives in Las Vegas and has a Debt Collection business on the side. The name of his enterprise is "Accounting Crow" and Bernie is very influential in local politics.
Growing up, the girls loved Bernie's bad boy persona over Woody's pecker attributes. Needless to say, Bernie's visit refueled old conflicts and will likely interrupt Woody's positive progress.
Also, I made an appointment with a dermatologist to look at Woody's torso discoloration. She hopes to fit us in early next week.

Day 8:Domestic Abuse Complaint

Day 8: Sadly, Woody has filed a Domestic Abuse Complaint against Maggie and me. I saw a picture of the judge assigned to our case in this morning's paper, and it doesn't look good for either of us. I feel totally stupid for posting those 2 videos of Maggie "playing" with Woody on Facebook. Lesson learned...

Day 7: Visiting Nurse

Day 7: As suggested by Dr. Robert Howard, Woody needs to bathe. The visiting nurse arrived early this am and carefully protected his stitches from moisture. (We are taking no chances on developing an infection, especially after Woody's devastating bout with Avian Flu last year.)
Sadly, an old memory surfaced of Woody's childhood Parakeet playmate, Petie, who fell into a toilet and drowned, so Woody has now refused to bathe. Our solution seems to be to wait until the ice thaws in the birdbath out back and try again in the Spring.
As an aside, Maggie also refuses to bathe.

Day 6: Art Therapy

Day 6. Today Woody begins Art Therapy. We have hired one of the world's most talented artists as his private instructor in hopes the therapy will reduce the phantom headaches Woody has been enduring since this unfortunate situation began. Woody and Bugs have a relationship that spans many years, so we are hopeful that the classes will be beneficial.
Woody hopes to emulate his favorite artist, John James Audubon.

Day 4: Home and Convalescing

Woody was released last night and is comfortably convalescing at home. We opted out of the intern’s suggestion to have his “head examined” and see a shrink, as both options seem to be unnecessary medical procedures considering his condition. Instead, we took the visiting nurse’s suggestion and hired a stylist who is helping Woody emulate his high school idol, ZZ Top. So far, Woody seems pleased and happy. Maggie is simply confused by all of this.

Woody and Maggie