Day 38: Woody's Missing

Day 38:  Woody has been missing for several days.  I hear he had prosthetic cranial surgery and has been in seclusion.  Ellen Degeneres recommended Dr. Drew Ordon from The Doctors, whose fee was extremely high, but they compromised and decided on a reasonably priced Amazon.com "Prosthetic Weatherproof Headpiece with Rain Bill Drip Prevention Extension" by Totes."  Here is Maggie's remorseful Instagram get well post to Woody.  I hope to have a picture of Woody when he is released tomorrow.

Day 31: Woody Buys a Car

Day 31:  On a lark, Woody bought a car today.  He wouldn't admit it, but I'm certain he used the rest of the money Ellen Degeneres gave him and blew it on the roadster.  Woody saw the listing on Craig's List and am guessing this picture was taken by the seller in front of his house.  This really sticks in my craw.  How could he be so bird brained?

Day 30: Incarceration

Day 30:  Just saw this on the front page of today's paper.  Seems that after Maggie and I left the courtroom, Woody got into a cockfight with a guard.  This prompted the judge to order an in-depth background check which revealed outstanding warrants for child support, back state and local taxes and some other legal stuff I didn't understand.  In fact, I never knew his Dad was the Bird Man of Alcatraz.  Woody managed to make his bail...probably from the check Ellen Degeneres gave him.      

Day 18: Waiting by the Phone

Day 18: Good grief. Woody spent most of the day waiting for call backs from more celebrities. The call from Ellen really gave him a big head. He mentioned potential interest from Dr. Oz, Judge Judy, Dr. Phil and even Donald Trump for an appearance on Celebrity Apprentice. I think he needs a reality show, but I don't want to egg him on.

Day 16: Phone Call from Ellen Degeneres

Day 16 : It's now been over 2 weeks since the accident. I have to share a wonderful, exciting event from yesterday afternoon. Woody received a surprise phone call from Ellen Degeneres!!! Ellen expressed regret for premiering the original video of Woody and Maggie on her show which developed into a totally unfortunate event for all involved. She invited Woody to appear on the show and is providing a check for $10,000 to cover the the Domestic Abuse legal expenses. Maggie and I are doomed.