Day 49: Germany

Day 49:  Woody visits Germany.  Here's Woody at the Gasthaus Zum Roten Ochsen in Heidelberg.  Woody enjoyed playing chess and nocturnal drinking of half liter mugs of locally brewed beers into the wee hours.  He craved a bratwurst, but settled on the low fat millet platter, even though he needs to keep an eagle eye on his carb intake.  He's planning a trip to Rome tomorrow with some interesting bar hoppers he met.

Day 48: Wooden Shoes

Day 48:   This is a short post.  Woody arrived in Holland and bought these cute wooden shoes at a little boutique in Amsterdam...sadly, they are history.

Day 47: Slow Boat to China

Day 47:  Whoops.  Looks as if Woody got goosed by the Slow Boat to China Tourist Agency.  This postcard arrived yesterday via snail mail, so am not sure when this took place.  Woody was to roost in China for a week, but there must have been a breakdown in communication or an outright scam.  There's a distinct difference between China, the country and China, the plate.  Am guessing Woody will need to contact PayPal ASAP for a refund from those buzzards.

Day 46: Safari Continued

Day 46:  More safari footage.  Woody encounters a dangerous, raging herd of elephants.  Obviously, this is a highly mutant gang of outcasts as no two seem to share similar genetic markings.  Woody seems unbelievably calm considering the potential for deadly confrontation.  Possibly, Mrs. Grubb's lesson from 10th grade biology class is stored in what remains of his brain stem..."elephants don't eat birds."

Day 45: African Safari

Day 45:  Today's photo arrived.  Looks like Woody is on an African Safari.  Not much to relate, as his WiFi signal was weak, but it seems this 300 lb. gorilla is Woody's bounty from today's hunt.  The man in the caldron is Dr. Livingston, I presume.  Really bad photo...am guessing the bandwidth was throttled back during transmission.  

Day 44: Rain Forest

Day 44:  Just got this image of Woody in the Rain forest.  Most of those menacing large bugs are on the endangered species list, but I notice there is a cage shown.  Am guessing they will catch dinner and return to the campsite for a tasty meal.  Woody's message states his guide. Emu, didn't know what an IPhone was, so Woody logged onto Skype (whoops, maybe it was Facetime, as I use an android device) so Emu could have a free video chat with his brother who flew the coop and now lives Kitty Hawk, NC.  Photo credit goes to Emu.

Day 43: Woody starts his Cruise

Day 43:  Just got Woody's Instagram from the first stop on his whirlwind world tour, the Canary Islands.  He says the weather is terrific, and his only complaint is feeling so cooped up in the cruise ship's small cabin.  He regrets opting for the cheeper rates.  The big events for today are the shuttlecock competition followed by the musical, "Bye Bye Birdie."

Day 42: Fingerprinting

Day 42:  Woody liked his photograph from yesterday so much, he's using it as his passport pic.  He's decided to see the world.  I'll be uploading the postcards and photos as they arrive.  Am guessing he'll be tweeting, as I see he opened a Twitter account.  He had to be fingerprinted for the passport by the FBI (Fictional Bird Identification).  Image attached.  (To prevent Identity Theft, only his left talon is shown.)

Day 41: New Topnotch

Day 41:  Woody got a temporary topnotch weaving extension today.  He's been going to an acupuncturist whose practice recently folded and the dr. is now employed as a specialist at "Topnotch Origami."   He kept needling Woody to stop by for a fitting.  Woody was hesitant, but I think he looks more like himself now.  He was so impressed with his new look, he stopped to buy a nice scarf on the way home.  Finding a complementing knit cap may be a challenge.

Day 40: Maternity Ward

Day 40:  Woody's recuperation is going well.  He decided to visit his Niece who recently moved back to town.  Here is Woody in the maternity ward prior to the hatching of his Grandnephew and Grandniece who were conceived in Ukraine.  (They are the fraternal twins pictured with an unidentified local embryo.)

Day 39: Woody Comes Home

Day 39:  I didn't recognize Woody when he showed up today.  The implant isn't bad, but  he looked so different.  I mentioned the Totes Prosthetic Headpiece looks a tad like a single serve coffee pod with an amateur paint job and maybe Dr. Whooo would have been a better surgical choice, but Woody is on strong meds and doesn't give a hoot about what I think.  The surgeon hopes his brain stem will regenerate and Woody can have a somewhat normal life.  Lots of rehab and healing in our future.

Day 38: Woody's Missing

Day 38:  Woody has been missing for several days.  I hear he had prosthetic cranial surgery and has been in seclusion.  Ellen Degeneres recommended Dr. Drew Ordon from The Doctors, whose fee was extremely high, but they compromised and decided on a reasonably priced Amazon.com "Prosthetic Weatherproof Headpiece with Rain Bill Drip Prevention Extension" by Totes."  Here is Maggie's remorseful Instagram get well post to Woody.  I hope to have a picture of Woody when he is released tomorrow.

Day 35: NO!

Day 35:  Woody, no.  I realize you think you could be SuperBird, but an aging Clark Kent is not the right look for you.  Let's put our heads together, or at least one of our heads, and attempt to find a solution that can fly.

Day 34: More Bad Choices

Day 34:    C'mon Woody, seriously?  Please re-read yesterday's post.

Day 33: Urchin Look

Day 33:  Uh oh, looks as if Woody is experimenting again.  Note to Woody:  "Woody, this fro is not a good look for you on so many levels.  Before you met Maggie, she had a toy that looked just like this and it's not a good story.  I suggest going back to the drawing board.  This urchin look is just not you."

Day 32: Petting Zoo

Day 32:  Today, Woody drove himself to the petting zoo.  Looks like he had a good time.  The zoo is on the list of therapeutic exercises to help with his depression, but I think he wanted to flaunt the new car.  I've always believed a male bird's vehicle is an extension of his pecker. 

Day 31: Woody Buys a Car

Day 31:  On a lark, Woody bought a car today.  He wouldn't admit it, but I'm certain he used the rest of the money Ellen Degeneres gave him and blew it on the roadster.  Woody saw the listing on Craig's List and am guessing this picture was taken by the seller in front of his house.  This really sticks in my craw.  How could he be so bird brained?

Day 30: Incarceration

Day 30:  Just saw this on the front page of today's paper.  Seems that after Maggie and I left the courtroom, Woody got into a cockfight with a guard.  This prompted the judge to order an in-depth background check which revealed outstanding warrants for child support, back state and local taxes and some other legal stuff I didn't understand.  In fact, I never knew his Dad was the Bird Man of Alcatraz.  Woody managed to make his bail...probably from the check Ellen Degeneres gave him.      

Day 29: Day in Court

Day 29:  Here's Woody being sworn in at the domestic abuse hearing.  Not sure if he will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth as his right hand is nowhere near the Bible.  I think the judge was under the influence and clearly jaundiced in his thinking.  Lots of wasted time and recesses.  Not a fun day for Maggie as she had to be restrained and missed her nap times.  All chew toys other than the victim were prohibited from the premises.

Day 28: More Hometown Memories

Day 28:  Late yesterday, Woody stopped by the steel mill where his dad worked double shifts so Woody could afford to join the Drill Team.  Many of the old coots are still there, but most of the younger employees have migrated.  Two of the foremen came out to chat about old times.  Woody had to cut his visit short to get ready for the flight back home.  He has a court date tomorrow for the domestic abuse charge against Maggie and me.

Day 27: Alumni Talent Show

Day 27:  One of the exciting Homecoming events scheduled for this evening is the ever popular Alumni Talent Show.  Few outside of Woody's immediate brood know Woody and Roy Orbison were classmates and in a band together.  Woody named the band "The Yardbirds" but Roy thought that was too species specific and suggested the "Beastie Boys."  That didn't fly with Woody, so they parted ways.  Another little known tidbit is Roy wrote "Pretty Woman" when he had a crush on Woody's sister, Irma.

Day 26: Class Reunion Night

Day 26:  Class Reunion.  Here's Woody with a flock of classmates who belonged to the "Birds of a Feather" service organization.  Every year, the group held fundraisers, nest sales, seed gift packet sales, etc. to provide Thanksgiving turkeys for the local shelter.  Woody was appalled at how rotund and bald so many classmates had become, especially those who attended Perdue.  Oh look, there's Amanda Peafowl again.  She must be chaperoning the old hens.

Day 25: More Hometown Touring

Day 25:  This is the cat house at the far end of town where Woody and most of his high school buddies went on Sat. nights to nest with wild nightingales and flycatchers.  After one of these raucous visits, his entire fraternity had to be treated for thrush.  I could go on and on with numerous stories and innuendos, but sadly this is a G rated story.

Day 24: Homecoming Week

Day 24:  Woody will spend the next few days visiting old haunts in his hometown.  This is the house where he grew up.  It's currently vacant, insect infested and badly in need of repair.  The old swing and the front perch have been removed, and the interior is in shambles from damage done by vultures and loons in the hood who use it as a crack house.  The family tree has been drilled, clawed and hammered into a pile of sawdust.      

Day 23: Hometown Visit

Day 23:   The dreaded High School reunion is this weekend.  Woody finally got off the sofa yesterday, did a few ab strengthening exercises and spent a considerable time preening.  Woody won't have the wrinkles his classmates will be so desperately trying to disguise.  Here is Woody in front of the Flora M. Hill School, where he spent many years as a fledgling winging it in math.  Oh, look, there's the principal, Amanda Peafowl.  Hard to believe she's still hovering in that position.

Day 22: PTSD

Day 22:  Woody has been having terrible flashbacks, hallucinations and night terrors.  We're not sure if it's PTSD from the attack or if he's been doing some recreational experimentation with his peeps at the bar.  He's going to have to shake a tail feather and snap out of this.

Day 21: Dermatologist Visit

Day 21:  Dermatologist appt.  Dr. Tso examined Woody's torso for infection and decided he needs cosmetic surgery.  We opted for a navel piercing with interchangeable decorative elements.  Woody is now sporting a vintage Lone Ranger button to hide the abdominal stain.  He didn't squawk once, yet the process was lengthy and looked painful.  Next, we stopped at our favorite local diner for lunch.  Nothing like a soothing bowl of "Mmm Mmm Good" chicken soup.  Woody took a selfie with the owners.

Day 20: Agoraphobia

Day 20:  Woody has developed agoraphobia.  He stays in the house and plays solitaire for hours without a break.  The group therapy session wasn't as beneficial as we had hoped.  We meet with the dermatologist tomorrow.  Hoping a diagnosis to cure or disguise the abdominal stain will boost his self confidence.